How To Appear Smart When Speaking On Finance Even Though You Have No Clue.


Wear Jean and A Plain Tee Shirt: Overdressing already puts you off as an oversabi, an ITK and no one wants that. Dress with a simple Jean and tee to make it seem like you’re the next Mark Zuckerberg and are too busy saving the world to have time for clothes.

Glasses: Use glasses and adjust them frequently. No one needs to know if they are recommended or shakomended. You’re wearing them so that means you’re smart and you can also save the world like Superman.

Question Everything: Jane says 1+1 equals 2. Ask why it must be two. Can’t it be a binary code or an incomplete hexadecimal equation? You’ll be seen as the outside the box thinker but don’t stray too far for fear of losing the plot. Phrasing: and no I’m not talking about Archer here. Focus please.

Use Certain Phrases: When it feels like they are catching up, throw them off with big grammar and familiar yet senseless phrases. “Jane you have to be cautiously optimistic as there are a lot of cash on the sidelines”. Hmmm, hmmm, yes Jedi. Much sense, plenty flabbergasted.

Scribble: Just scribble, you don’t have to understand it and no one does too. Scribble, nod, scribble some more and if caught, tell them “intelligent people have shitty writings”. Duh! Look at doctors. Also, the internet will back you up.

Channel your Inner Bovi: Finance is serious enough so throw a couple of jokes in here and there while confusing them with big nonsensical words. Who doesn’t like a funny, smart guy?

Admit your Ignorance/Mistakes: Playing down your smartness can actually make you seem smarter. I mean, look at this tee shirt, jean and glasses wearing, plenty scribbling, Patrick Obahiagbon speaking, smart guy admitting he doesn’t know it all. Wow! Much Humility, Plenty Sense.

If they don’t seem convinced enough, Look serious, Hmmm a lot, nod your head and enter a staring contest (you must win this) with them.

Good luck.

Have a lovely Monday.


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